- In view of the toxic relationship issues and inability of individuals in handling break up in relationships, we are seeing a growing number turning to violence at their partner or posting photographs and videos of moments in relationships as part of revenge pornography or threatening/humiliating the ex partner through social media. The following is part of a three series write up in dealing with heartbreak and moving on-to a better life.
“Let memories stay beautiful instead of events destroying lives forward”.
How to recognize a toxic relationship –
- You are expected to behave only as he/she wishes.
- If you do not obey, emotional blackmail follows.
- Restrictions are placed on where you go, what you do and whom you meet.
- Threats are alternated with emotionally trapping words of love.
- Checking your phone for calls, messages and social media presence.
- They will try and isolate you from family and friends.
- They suddenly pop up where you are.
- Using threatening words like, “if you leave me, I will kill you and kill myself”.
- Inflicting self harm, (cutting/wounding self), and sending the photo to you.
If you notice these signs in a relationship, do not be deceived into thinking it’s true love. Try and get professional (psychological) help for the person if you want it to work out. But recognize, understand, accept and move out gradually if the pattern continues. If not it could end up with you losing your emotional well-being and sometimes your life also.
How to walk away from a toxic relationship –
*Try and withdraw graciously and diplomatically.
*If the person you are dealing with is prone to anger issues, stay in safe spaces. Reach out for support and let them know via the phone about the break up.
*Do not argue, provoke and make the situation worse.
*Do not give them false hope.
*Once they know a break up is inevitable, do not go out with them alone, no matter what the threats or appeal.
*Stay calm. Do not give into fear.
*If they threaten you, try telling them calmly that things can get out of hand with unwanted reactions which will end up affecting even families concerned.
*If they threaten to upload your photographs online, do not give in. Giving in will only worsen the situation, taking you to worse spaces.
* If they continue to threaten you, reach out to the police.
* Take the support of people around you. It is the safe and smart thing to do.
How to deal with a heartbreak-
*Relationships are beautiful, but can end due to different circumstances.
*Accept that sometimes we have to let go of it for the greater good of both. Cry it out if you need to and give yourself space to heal.
*Believe that this too shall pass, that there are better things awaiting you on newer paths.
*Don’t blame yourself or wish you could have done things differently.
*Have faith in yourself and in your strengths.
*Keep yourself distracted and active with friends, games, books, things that you are passionate about until the feeling of loss passes.
*Make no contact with the person concerned, else it will only reopen wounds and doubts and stand in the way of your healing and moving forward.
*Share your thoughts with a trusted person who will support and stand by you.
*After a few days of no contact, the pain will ease up. Until it does, make sure you focus on other things, maybe even travel.
*Do not jump into another relationship to heal the trauma of breakup. Stabilize enough to take right choices.
*Do not make the mistake of turning to drugs or alcohol or substances to lessen your pain. You will only end up destroying yourself and a chance for a better life ahead.
A note to parents-
* Support your children.
*Do not judge them.
*Do not label or blame them, they are going through a bad time.
*Be with them.
*Just as you would care for a bad wound after an accident, help them deal with the wound from within.
A note to friends-
*Don’t make fun of your friends by saying that they got dumped.
*Be with them, support them.
*Make sure they don’t do anything rash.
*Help them move on to better spaces and a beautiful life ahead.
* That is what true friends and friendship is all about.
– With love and healing